Royalty Free Ideas: Grudge Aides

One of the advantages of typing things out, as opposed to saying said things out loud, is that there's the opportunity for reflection before submission. Obviously, but case in point - in trying to explain the above RFI, what was supposed to be a few paragraphs of "isn't it embarassing when people 'hate' tv celebrities/distant co-workers/as a result of the void created by the inherent ambiguity present in almost all human relationships" turned out, on further reading, to be more like "I dislike hating people who are different from me, because that's not really cool anymore, is it?". Yep, not exactly the same thing being said there. After a few minutes of stony mortification, I deleted the offending paragraph, before reflecting on my almost-career as an accidental racist-revisionist. Good afternoon.

Normal Post: Slow People

Bear in mind that this isn't some sort of manifesto (with, by implication, an allusion to the underpinning reason for it's inevitable success), but just something that I thought was funny. It made ME laugh, though not in a sinister or portentious way. I'd also hasten to add to that the above also almost went under the Royalty Free Idea tag, but that would ony have served to preclude a spell of enforced excile. Now move along.

International Relative Exchange Vol.6

Why don't you want to trade your relatives? It's simple, and there's no exchange rate or like for like policy - you can trade anyone for anyone. If you don't have any relatives for trade but would like to receive, we always have surplus family friend uncle/aunts. You know the kind. Literally, loads of them.

Normal Post: Drive By Gentrification

Within which lies the kernal of an idea, a tasty sliver of bubbly hope. Though, to be perfectly honest, I can't really remember how I was going to expand on that, and all I can really recall is something to do with a personal 24-hour active stat readout that responded to your choices in culture (I very rarely make actual legible sense anymore, evidently), food, companionship and whatnot. I think it was all set to thumping videogame-remix bass (the likes of which you'd probobly find here http://www.rofltrax.com/library/dmdokuro/mp3/DAMMIT,%20STOP%20TAKING%20THAT%20SHORTCUT.mp3) and most likely quite exhausting. So, sorry about the hope thing. That wasn't fair.

Royalty Free Idea: Ironise Your Potential

A bit like reversing polarity, except not a convenient psuedo-science solution but actually, in the long term, rather counterproductive. I suppose there's a virtue in being able to laugh at yourself, but in a time when validation comes via self-submission to a public forum (hot topic!), it's all getting a bit desperate. I have no idea what I'm talking about.

This is also an opportunity to 'fess up with regards to my drawing practices. The post-its/ideas I've uploaded are pretty old (about a year and a half or so?), so the art is relatively weak - note the massive hand of the interviewer, and the fact that the chap on the right seems to be missing most of his head - but I've been at them all this time, all this time, and now I'm paying someone to draw them for me. It's the ideas themselves which are difficult, though, so I should probobly pay someone to 'do' them too. I think this is what they call business.

International Relative Exchange Vol. 5

The most difficult thing about trading a relative is that, once you've made your decision and committed to it, a strange thing happens. The fear of the unknown creeps in, making your former loved one's irksome ways some cosy and charming (if it's a former partner, add snoogly woogly or something to that list). How ironic. Ultimately, it's up to you, but remember - taking them back won't erase the memory of you at least thinking about swapping them. Holding onto them doesn't guarantee them holding onto you...

p.s. hope you had a good easter!

Normal Post: Interactive Television

"If you don't like it, then don't watch." Which is fine, apart from when it isn't. Case in point, some folk (a lot of folk) like watching things that they don't like watching, because they like the feeling of not liking watching something. But what if you stop liking not liking watching something and start not liking not liking watching something? Self indulgent scenario convolusion aside, there should probobly be some way of registering the latter feeling. The logical answer is a red button service (taking for granted that anyone who reads this is too cool to write a letter or go to Ofcom or whatever), but I'd prefer a ship's command wheel, the kind that you have to pull left or right to highlight orders like "Full speed ahead" or "aft". Of course, the ship's commands would be replaced with phrases like "Hmm. Alright, keep going." and "I'm not really too sure about this, to be fair." You'd also need to hook it up to the tv somehow. Never mind, it's too much effort.