Normal Post: Tim

I, too, suffer in the above respect. I basically need people to signpost their intentions clearly, with pictures, or at least provide a silver foil scratch-and-reveal thing with the correct interpretation underneath, just in case. Subtlty can be difficult, especially if you're worried that it'll just come out as lazy sarcasm instead.

International Relative Exchange Vol.9

Although in reality the above relative is most certainly NOT up for trade, being a minor and all. Not even if you send a stamped, self addressed envelope to the usual address. I'm not a monster.

Royalty Free Idea: Civility Bureaucracy

Imagine my surprise at finally spelling at word like that one that begins with a B in the title of this post correctly. This english thing isn't too bad after all. Anyways, as per the current spirit of the age (i.e. demanding apologies from anyone not adhering to the strict moral code everyone else has always adhered to; shouting over those apologies with incredulous calls for clarification and better apologies) it's only a matter of time before someone goes absolutely mental and commits to absolute, crushing, invincible transparency. Everything on the table, all the time, 24-7, and everything appealing to everyone, all of the time, forever. In that way, I feel for the BBC. Essentially, they have to avoid dumbing down, be entirely accessible and appeal to everyone, reach out to the demographics that aren't catered for by the private sector etc etc. It all sounds like the same thing but it's entirely at odds with itself - you can't fall out of bed without coming up with a reactionary argument against the corperation. The BBC feels like someone else's too-reasonable and eternally patient friend/relative who you can see, little by little, being prodded and minutely goaded into oblivion, or militant blandness.

Also, it could go the other way, where the prodded give up trying to explain things to us, and turn into living phD information cannons, blasting anyone showing any kind of interest with raw uncontextualised data. I really don't want someone reminding me that the reason I don't understand complicated things is because I don't understand complicated things. Don't get me wrong, I do believe I have the right to be able to understand the nature and purpose of things I pay for/vote for, but I guess I'm big enough to realise that my input into how the IMF should work would be largely useless, and not really worth considering. I'd love to see an arena battle between two shouty self-important people on a random topic, like the pros and cons of fiscal intervention from the Euro zone (I just lifted that from somewhere). No-one in any of those battles would EVER say "sorry, I don't actually know what that is".

Normal Post: Way of the Pear

I usually have the 'creative satisfaction' feeling, far, far, FAR too early i.e. when I haven't actually created anything yet. Specifically, I'm quite bad for sketching something out, and then, subconsciously or otherwise, convincing myself that that constitutes the end of the process and a justifiably satisfactory conclusion, as opposed to something 1/4 finished. That's not necessarily a bad thing - as much as anything else, it keeps bad ideas out of ciculation without the terrible anguish of admitting to myself that they were bad ideas in the first place.

But, as to the pear, planning something out prior only seems to worsen the aforementioned problem, in that the planning stage itself often becomes the source of satisfaction and subsequent conclusion. Planning to draw something/go somewhere is just as good as doing it, according to my inner drives. Myriad benefits, though a terrible, boring, boring fate awaits.

International Relative Exchange Vol.8

It's always interesting to see how people change when they're placed in different social contexts, and how the shy and retiring in some groups can be the movers and shakers in others. Why not mix things up for a lifeless, reticent blood-tie, then? You can convince yourself you're doing them a favour. Not crushing their fledgling spirit for good. Good for you.

Normal Post: Too Talented

There should be an amnesty day for these kind of thoughts, similar to the hand-in-your-knives-and-we-won't-prosectue-you days the police sometimes have. Trubs is, it's difficult to really know which thoughts are on the crazy end of things and which ones are part of the human coding that helps us maintain our basic mental stability. How to coax the bad ones out? I'm thinking either a secure area (like a voting booth) where you just say out loud all the Big Thoughts you've ever had (should take about 15 minutes, I guess) and they're independently assessed by independent assessors. That, or some sort of Ghostbuster-esque chap who pulls them out with a kind of photon ray. Photon ray. Yeeeah.

International Relative Exchange Vol.7

Have you tried thinking of things to say? Have you tried remembering the news from earlier? Have you tried dredging your childhood for lost annecdotes? Have you tried shared interests? Have you tried inventing new interests? Have you tried annoying them? Have you tried a new haircut? Have you tried bettering yourself? Have you tried going on holiday? Have you? Have you?! Trade 'em.

Royalty Free Ideas: Grudge Aides

One of the advantages of typing things out, as opposed to saying said things out loud, is that there's the opportunity for reflection before submission. Obviously, but case in point - in trying to explain the above RFI, what was supposed to be a few paragraphs of "isn't it embarassing when people 'hate' tv celebrities/distant co-workers/as a result of the void created by the inherent ambiguity present in almost all human relationships" turned out, on further reading, to be more like "I dislike hating people who are different from me, because that's not really cool anymore, is it?". Yep, not exactly the same thing being said there. After a few minutes of stony mortification, I deleted the offending paragraph, before reflecting on my almost-career as an accidental racist-revisionist. Good afternoon.

Normal Post: Slow People

Bear in mind that this isn't some sort of manifesto (with, by implication, an allusion to the underpinning reason for it's inevitable success), but just something that I thought was funny. It made ME laugh, though not in a sinister or portentious way. I'd also hasten to add to that the above also almost went under the Royalty Free Idea tag, but that would ony have served to preclude a spell of enforced excile. Now move along.

International Relative Exchange Vol.6

Why don't you want to trade your relatives? It's simple, and there's no exchange rate or like for like policy - you can trade anyone for anyone. If you don't have any relatives for trade but would like to receive, we always have surplus family friend uncle/aunts. You know the kind. Literally, loads of them.

Normal Post: Drive By Gentrification

Within which lies the kernal of an idea, a tasty sliver of bubbly hope. Though, to be perfectly honest, I can't really remember how I was going to expand on that, and all I can really recall is something to do with a personal 24-hour active stat readout that responded to your choices in culture (I very rarely make actual legible sense anymore, evidently), food, companionship and whatnot. I think it was all set to thumping videogame-remix bass (the likes of which you'd probobly find here http://www.rofltrax.com/library/dmdokuro/mp3/DAMMIT,%20STOP%20TAKING%20THAT%20SHORTCUT.mp3) and most likely quite exhausting. So, sorry about the hope thing. That wasn't fair.

Royalty Free Idea: Ironise Your Potential

A bit like reversing polarity, except not a convenient psuedo-science solution but actually, in the long term, rather counterproductive. I suppose there's a virtue in being able to laugh at yourself, but in a time when validation comes via self-submission to a public forum (hot topic!), it's all getting a bit desperate. I have no idea what I'm talking about.

This is also an opportunity to 'fess up with regards to my drawing practices. The post-its/ideas I've uploaded are pretty old (about a year and a half or so?), so the art is relatively weak - note the massive hand of the interviewer, and the fact that the chap on the right seems to be missing most of his head - but I've been at them all this time, all this time, and now I'm paying someone to draw them for me. It's the ideas themselves which are difficult, though, so I should probobly pay someone to 'do' them too. I think this is what they call business.

International Relative Exchange Vol. 5

The most difficult thing about trading a relative is that, once you've made your decision and committed to it, a strange thing happens. The fear of the unknown creeps in, making your former loved one's irksome ways some cosy and charming (if it's a former partner, add snoogly woogly or something to that list). How ironic. Ultimately, it's up to you, but remember - taking them back won't erase the memory of you at least thinking about swapping them. Holding onto them doesn't guarantee them holding onto you...

p.s. hope you had a good easter!

Normal Post: Interactive Television

"If you don't like it, then don't watch." Which is fine, apart from when it isn't. Case in point, some folk (a lot of folk) like watching things that they don't like watching, because they like the feeling of not liking watching something. But what if you stop liking not liking watching something and start not liking not liking watching something? Self indulgent scenario convolusion aside, there should probobly be some way of registering the latter feeling. The logical answer is a red button service (taking for granted that anyone who reads this is too cool to write a letter or go to Ofcom or whatever), but I'd prefer a ship's command wheel, the kind that you have to pull left or right to highlight orders like "Full speed ahead" or "aft". Of course, the ship's commands would be replaced with phrases like "Hmm. Alright, keep going." and "I'm not really too sure about this, to be fair." You'd also need to hook it up to the tv somehow. Never mind, it's too much effort.